divided and conquered

people need to realize that there’s a good reason why some of us are born with more cognitive empathy than affective empathy. having a lack of affective empathy is not synonymous with lacking a moral compass.

if everyone were squeamish around blood and horrified at the idea of cutting into another human’s flesh, no one would ever want to be a surgeon. and people would just suffer and die as a result of never being operated on. we NEED people who are emotionally detached enough to cut someone open, but compassionate enough to want to save their life by performing the necessary procedure.

unfortunately, i think jeff dahmer is a perfect example of this type of person who went down a bad road. someone who could’ve been an excellent surgeon, forensic pathologist, or mortician, had he been raised with the extra attention that his specific mind needed. not a sociopath, not a psychopath — he didn’t meet the criteria for either of these, and it’s well-documented that he DID exhibit empathy for animals in particular — but just born with that same type of natural detachment that so many allistics don’t experience. it’s an emotional detachment with a moral compass underneath. they are separate entities. it just went wildly wrong in his case, and his morality ended up getting eclipsed by his mental illnesses and paraphilias.

the same drive that made him want to dissect roadkill is what makes me want to research HIM. a laser-focused curiosity about the dark and mysterious parts of life. like i’ve said so many times, i don’t think we’re all that different at the core of our being. when it comes to this aspect of the two of us, it’s all in the upbringing. i was raised well and paid attention to, and i became a well-adjusted person who uses his clinical outlook on things to gather knowledge that he might use to help others. jeff was neglected, never attended to on an emotional level or taught how to manage his feelings, and that contributed largely to what he became as an adult.

of course, he also had paraphilic disorders that i thankfully don’t have, and that’s another part of it for him too. but that part of him was left alone to fester and grow like noxious weeds inside of him, wild and uncontrolled. he never understood where it came from, but always wanted to, and he tragically died without the answers he sought. and when combined with that surgically-inclined mind he was born with, it was easy for it to just eat up all the space in his mind that was devoid of affective empathy.

the ability to use cognitive empathy is innate — you either have it or you don’t. and i thoroughly believe jeff had it. but it has to be trained, especially without a consistent expression of affective empathy there to bolster it. it has to be cultivated and strengthened by outside influence. jeff didn’t get this. i got it because i was paid attention to. that’s a huge part of what makes us different. but our baselines at birth were probably highly similar in that way.

i really don’t think it’s that uncommon to be like this, either; it’s just terribly misunderstood. there’s a reason why so many of us relate to jeff when we can’t relate to any other serial killer — because there’s a deep intuitive knowledge there that he was DIFFERENT. and no, i don’t think it’s all about him being a “master manipulator.” this is going to sound weird or even contradictory in a way, but i think his manipulation tactics during his crime spree worked so well because he had a genuinely good and kind side to him. it’s just that the addicted part of him put that toward the forefront in order to reach satisfaction. in a way, it’s like he used himself.

he really did embody his gemini sun sign to an uncanny degree. it’s almost like there were two jeffs — the one who was conflict-averse, loved animals, and didn’t want to cause anyone pain, and the bestial one who would stop at nothing to satisfy his desires. these two were at war inside of him for years on end. and sadly, the “good” jeff lost the battle, and 17 men and boys paid the price with their lives as a result. but in the end, i don’t think the good jeff lost the war.

i really do think his remorse was genuine regardless of his ability to feel emotion upfront. acute emotion is a separate entity from morality — plenty of emotionally-driven people kill and torture each other in the heat of passion, while plenty of “detached” types use their calmness in the face of chaos to save lives. it’s just a shame that he was so internally fractured, with these drastically different personality traits so discrete and sequestered within himself, and this made him too weak to fight back against his relentless sexual urges.

jeff dahmer was a perpetrator of horrific acts, yes, and for that he must always be held accountable. but at the same time, he was a victim of himself. victim #18 in the end, bludgeoned to death as a final result of his own life choices. an absolute clusterfuck of a human being, but a full human being nonetheless.

he was not an evil man. he was divided and conquered inside, which caused him to make terrible decisions. and i think that’s something a lot of people don’t get about him.