Jeffrey And The Tin Whistle: A Small Document About Hope

Some primary sources arrive looking important. Court transcripts, psychiatric evaluations, sworn statements. And some arrive looking like this: a Wisconsin Department of Corrections property receipt, form DOC-237, the most bureaucratic piece of paper imaginable — and quietly one of the most human documents in the memorial’s collection.

Here is what it records. On May 10, 1994, a package arrived by mail at Columbia Correctional Institution for inmate 177252, Dahmer, Jeffery (the prison misspelled his first name). It came from a specialty shop called Anyone Can Whistle, in West Hurley, New York. It contained three items, listed in a staff member’s careful capitals:

1 — CLARKE TIN WHISTLE 1 — TIN WHISTLE INSTRUCTIONAL CASSETTE TAPE 1 — TIN WHISTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK

He signed for it on May 17. His signature — the same one on the Thanksgiving card he would send Roy Ratcliff six months later — sits at the bottom, next to a paragraph in which he formally agrees that none of his musical equipment exceeds $350 in value. The whistle cost a fraction of that. It is, famously, one of the cheapest real instruments in the world.

What a Tin Whistle Is

For readers who have never met one: the tin whistle — also called the penny whistle — is a small six-holed folk flute, one of the simplest instruments ever made. The Clarke company has been producing them in England since 1843, rolling a sheet of tinplate into a cone around a wooden mouthpiece block, essentially unchanged for nearly two centuries. It is the classic beginner’s instrument of Irish and Celtic folk music: cheap, light, easy to start, genuinely difficult to master.

If you don’t think you know its sound, you almost certainly do. It is the bright, airy, high voice threaded through most Celtic folk music — the sound most people today would describe, not inaccurately, as “the Lord of the Rings flute.” The Clarke in particular is known for a breathy, slightly husky tone that players call “chiff.”

It is also, in its upper octave, piercing. Gloriously, unapologetically piercing. Hold that thought.

The Date

Readers of this memorial may recognise May 10, 1994.

It is the day Jeffrey Dahmer was baptised — the day of the solar eclipse and the Gacy execution, the day Roy Ratcliff drove through a darkened afternoon to immerse him in a prison whirlpool tub, the day he came up out of the water saying “thank you.” We wrote about it at length in “The Day Jeffrey Dahmer Was Baptised.”

On that same day, in the prison mailroom, someone was logging his tin whistle.

Nobody planned this. The package simply arrived when it arrived, and a staff member stamped the date. But the coincidence is documented on both ends — Ratcliff’s memoir on one side, this DOC-237 form on the other — and it is hard not to sit with it for a moment. On the day grace entered his life through water, music entered it through the mail.

Why This Little Form Matters

Look at what he ordered. Not just the whistle — the instruction book and the instructional cassette. The full curriculum, for an instrument that costs less than a pizza.

That is not the purchase of a man passing time. That is the purchase of a man who intends to learn something — methodically, properly, from the beginning, the way he seems to have done everything. Readers of our analysis of his letters (“In His Own Hand”) will recognise the pattern instantly: this is the same person who flagged his own spelling mistakes in casual letters to penpals. Of course he ordered the book and the tape. He was going to do it right.

And there is something in that which deserves to be said plainly. In May 1994, Jeffrey Dahmer was two and a half years into a sentence of over nine hundred years. He had no prospect of release, ever. And he ordered a beginner’s instrument with a beginner’s course, which is one of the most future-oriented acts a person can perform. Nobody learns an instrument for today. Learning an instrument is a bet on tomorrow — on the version of yourself, weeks or months away, who can do something you currently cannot. It is hope, in the shape of a small tin cone.

He had six and a half months left. He didn’t know that. He was planning to get better at something.

The Lighter Part, Because It’s Real Too

And now the part that made us laugh, because humanisation includes comedy.

A Clarke tin whistle, in the hands of a beginner, in a concrete cell block, is an event. The upper octave of a tin whistle can cut through a pub full of fiddles; in a hard-surfaced prison unit it would have ricocheted off every wall like a musical fire alarm. Somewhere in Unit 6 of Columbia Correctional in the summer of 1994, the most notorious inmate in Wisconsin was working his way through a beginner’s instruction book — first the long slow notes, then the first wobbly scales, then, presumably, the first recognisable tune, played over and over the way beginners do.

We have no documentation of how his neighbours felt about this. We suspect we don’t need any.

There is something almost cinematic in the image: the man the world called a monster, sitting on his bunk with a Victorian-era folk instrument and a cassette tape, squeaking earnestly toward competence while the block goes quietly insane around him. It is ridiculous. It is endearing. It is deeply, stubbornly human. It goes on the shelf beside the taquitos, the Walter Mondale photo, and the letter about the frogs singing at night — the growing collection of small documented facts that refuse to fit the monster story.

Provenance

This document was shared with the memorial by our team member Sylli, whose contributions to the archive keep proving invaluable. It joins the letters, the Ratcliff card, and the 1992 competency evaluation in the memorial’s growing collection of primary sources — the paper trail of an actual human life, preserved one unglamorous form at a time.

Whether he ever got any good, no record says. That was never really the point. The point is that he wanted to.


Primary source: Wisconsin Department of Corrections Property Receipt/Disposition, form DOC-237, inmate 177252, dated May 10, 1994 (received) and May 17, 1994 (signed). Document courtesy of Sylli. Background on the instrument: Clarke Tinwhistle Co. (est. 1843).

Why We Are Here: Voices from the Memorial Community

The jeffreydahmer.memorial was built on a conviction: that Jeffrey Dahmer deserves to be understood as a full human being, not reduced to the worst of what he did. Over time, a community has gathered here — researchers, writers, people with lived experience of loneliness, people with faith questions, people who simply couldn’t stop reading once they started. They come from different countries, different generations, different frameworks entirely.

We asked some of them five questions. What follows are their answers, in their own words.


How did you first hear about Jeffrey?

Some came to his story through the shock of the original news cycle. Others found him decades later, through a film, a novel, or a Netflix series watched during an ordinary evening.

Debbie, 66, found herself watching the news in 1991 by accident, immediately after serving on a jury in an unrelated murder trial — her first experience of the justice system. She came home exhausted from testimony about things she had never wanted to see, turned on the television, and heard a reporter describing body parts and drilled skulls. She lunged for the remote. For decades she kept it that way. Then, last December, recovering from a hip replacement, she flipped through Netflix and saw Dahmer: Monster. “Hey, I remember that dude,” she thought. She watched it. She started researching. “It hit me like a ton of bricks out of left field,” she says. “It’s definitely not something I was looking for or wanted. But here I am.”

Sylli, 46, heard about Jeffrey in 1991 when she was twelve years old and the story made headlines around the world. As a child, she couldn’t fully understand the complexity of what had happened. She only knew it was a story that stayed in her mind long after the news coverage faded. It wasn’t until 2022, when the Netflix series was released, that her interest was truly reignited. What started as renewed curiosity soon became something much deeper.

Gray, 22, came to Jeffrey the way many of her generation did — through the Netflix series, which led her immediately to the real case. “I found that the show does not come close to what actually happened,” she says. She went far past it.

Yarrow, 37, heard about Jeffrey in 2016 and found in his story something that would become personally significant in unexpected ways.

Eden G. encountered the name through a friend who loved film — a passing mention of My Friend Dahmer that lodged and eventually became something much more.

Lucy first came across Jeffrey through Poppy Z. Brite’s novel Exquisite Corpse, which quoted from his 1994 autopsy report. “His feet were still shackled because people were that afraid of him,” she recalls. “I found this to be weird then and even weirder now, especially considering that not only was Jeff deceased but had been rather placid in prison.” Years later, the Netflix series drew her back. She went looking for the real case.

Frisky, 40, saw him for the first time as a teenager, in a television interview. “Something inside me stirred feelings I had never experienced before,” she says. “He felt close and familiar, as if at some point in life I would come across something of his again, or get to know him more deeply.” She has never forgotten the feeling.


What called your attention to his story?

The answers to this question fall into patterns — but the patterns are wider and more varied than one might expect.

For many it was his honesty. Gray was struck by what she describes as the rarity of it: “Other serial killers, like Ted Bundy, don’t even come close to the level of self-reflection Jeffrey had done. He never once tried to lie his way out of the consequences of his actions, he knew what he had done.” She points to something he said in his confessions — that if nobody had caught him, he would have kept going — as evidence of a self-knowledge that moved her. “He knew himself and his compulsions so well that even he agreed that his getting caught was ‘better’ for everybody else and humanity in general.”

Lucy was struck by the same quality. “I think that his openness and honesty about his life and crimes makes it easier to connect with him. If he’d lied constantly or made excuses for his behaviour, this would have been difficult.”

For Sylli, it was the complexity that drew her deeper. “The more I learned, the more I realized that there were no simple answers. I became interested in understanding the person behind the headlines — the loneliness, the isolation, the psychology, and the many contradictions that existed within him. His story challenged me to look beyond black-and-white thinking.”

Frisky was drawn immediately to the human being behind the headlines. “What struck me most about his story was, quite literally, his loneliness and his complete lack of self-worth. I found myself wondering how such a handsome man could be so utterly alone. It was heartbreaking.”


How do you define your connection with him?

This is the hardest question, and the answers here are the most personal. They range widely — and that range is honest.

Gray describes a connection that is grounded in recognition. “Jeff, except of course for the gruesome killings, has a lot in common with me character-wise and mental health-wise. His coping mechanisms reminded me a lot of my own. The fact that he was heavily misunderstood and so extremely lonely that he had difficulties even forming normal human relationships also reminded me a lot of myself.” She is careful to locate the connection precisely: it is not spiritual, but human. It is the experience of seeing something of yourself in someone else’s story.

Sylli describes Jeffrey as “a quiet presence that accompanies me through my thoughts, my writing, and my creative work.” She thinks of him often in terms of nostalgia — not for the events of his life, but for a feeling she cannot easily name. “He is a source of inspiration, curiosity, and imagination.”

Lucy notes that the connection changed her social world as much as her inner one. “I have met quite a few friendly, like-minded people due to our common interest in Jeff. Being part of the online community who study and discuss Dahmer has definitely made a positive impact on my life.”

Yarrow speaks from a different framework entirely. A practicing druid, they describe Jeffrey as a constant presence and an ally — someone who, over time, has become part of their spiritual practice. For them, his story was also the beginning of a journey toward self-understanding: “Jeff having to accept himself as a gay man led me to accept myself as primarily attracted to men.”

Eden G. describes an experience that arrived unbidden and stayed. They see Jeffrey in dreams. Once, when their cat died and they were drifting toward sleep, they heard a voice they recognised as his. “I guess as a guide and a friendly soul that’s just floating around, paying attention to similar energy out and about the world.” For them, the connection is not chosen. It was received.

Frisky describes Jeffrey as her emotional anchor. She is in his presence every day — in her thoughts, in her prayers. Seeing his face, reading about him, learning something new about him lifts her spirits when she is low. She knows how that sounds. She offers it anyway, because it is true.

Debbie describes herself simply as hyperfixated, in the way her neurodivergent autistic brain hyperfixates on things. “It hit me like a ton of bricks out of left field.” She finds him handsome. She is sixty-six years old and completely unashamed. There is something refreshing in that.


Has this connection changed you?

Almost universally: yes.

Sylli describes the most unexpected transformation. Creativity had always been part of her, she says, but it remained in the background. Through her engagement with Jeffrey’s story, something dormant came back to life. She is now writing a novel. “In many ways, studying Jeffrey’s case led me back to myself. It helped me recognize abilities and creative instincts that I had overlooked for years.”

Gray found in his story a mirror for her own mental health experience, and through that mirror, a way to understand herself better. “Something about that honesty made me feel understood.”

Yarrow found self-acceptance. Through Jeffrey’s story — through the difficulty of his own reckoning with his sexuality in a time and place that offered no path forward — Yarrow was able to reckon with their own.

Eden G. says they might have gone down a different, darker path without it. They describe this as a kind of redirection, a steadying presence during difficult moments.

Frisky says simply: she is not the same person she was before. “I see everything differently now, even in my daily life. Something inside me has changed forever, but I can say with certainty that this change has been positive and empowering.”


What would you say to people who refuse to forgive or understand?

The responses to this question are the most carefully worded. All of them, in different ways, resist telling people how to feel.

Gray makes a distinction she considers essential. “Too many people treat forgiveness and forgetting as if they are the same thing, but they are not. Forgiveness does not mean excusing, justifying, or being okay with what someone has done. It means acknowledging the harm for what it is.” She adds: “Whether you choose to forgive is entirely your decision.”

Sylli takes the same position from a different angle. “I understand why many people struggle with forgiveness, and I would never tell anyone how they should feel. Understanding and excusing are two very different things. Seeking to understand someone’s psychology, struggles, or motivations does not mean approving of their actions.”

Lucy directs her response toward the specific problem of misinformation. “It does frustrate me to see people basing their opinions about the Jeffrey Dahmer case on what they’ve seen in the Netflix show when so much of it was fictionalised. I would encourage people to watch Jeff’s interviews, or footage of his father, Pat Kennedy, or Pamela Bass, to get a clearer picture of who he was as a person outside of his criminal activity.”

Frisky draws on her faith. “If the Lord is willing to forgive, then who are we as human beings to judge? In truth, no one has that right, not when compared to the immense love of our Heavenly Father.”

Eden G. is direct: “He did the crimes, and when he was alive he admitted to every single one of them. That alone is rare in serial killer cases. Not boasting — just admitting to it. That’s about as good as a criminal can do when it comes to responsibility.”


A Note from the Memorial

These seven voices represent something the memorial has always believed: that the people drawn to Jeffrey Dahmer’s story are not a monolith. They are researchers and writers, people in recovery and people in grief, people of faith and people of none, people who found self-acceptance here and people who simply couldn’t look away. They come from different countries, different decades of their lives, different ways of understanding the world.

What they share is a refusal to look away — and the conviction that looking away never helped anyone understand anything.

The memorial is grateful to everyone who shared their story here.

Dissociation and the Mind: Understanding a Possible Psychological Mechanism in Jeffrey’s Case

Dissociation is often misunderstood, yet it may offer valuable insight into how emotional detachment, fantasy, and disconnection can shape human behavior. This article explores the psychology of dissociation, what happens in the mind during dissociative states, and why some researchers have questioned whether these processes may have played a role in Jeffrey’s psychological functioning. Where does reality end and emotional detachment begin?

Dissociation is one of the most misunderstood concepts in psychology. It is often portrayed as something dramatic or rare, yet dissociative experiences exist on a spectrum and can occur in many different forms.

At its core, dissociation refers to a disruption in the normal integration of consciousness, memory, emotion, identity, perception, or awareness. In simple terms, it is a state in which a person becomes disconnected from aspects of their own experience.

Most people have experienced mild dissociation at some point in their lives. Becoming completely absorbed in a book, driving for several miles without remembering the journey, or feeling temporarily detached during periods of intense stress are all examples of common dissociative experiences.

More severe forms of dissociation, however, can be profoundly disruptive.

Individuals may feel disconnected from their emotions, detached from their surroundings, or separated from their own sense of self. Some describe the experience as feeling numb, unreal, or as though they are observing life through a pane of glass. Others report feeling as though they are watching themselves from outside their body.

Psychologists generally view dissociation as a protective mechanism. When emotional experiences become overwhelming, the mind may create distance between the individual and what they are feeling. In traumatic situations, this can serve as a form of psychological survival.

The brain, in essence, attempts to reduce emotional pain by reducing emotional presence.

While this mechanism can be protective in the short term, long-term emotional detachment may come at a cost. Individuals who frequently dissociate can struggle to identify and process their emotions, maintain meaningful relationships, or remain fully engaged with reality.

Research has shown that chronic dissociation can be associated with feelings of emptiness, emotional numbing, social withdrawal, and an increased reliance on fantasy as a source of comfort or escape.

This aspect becomes particularly interesting when examining Jeffrey’s psychological history.

Throughout interviews and personal accounts, Jeffrey frequently described feeling detached from others. He often spoke about loneliness, isolation, and a persistent sense of being different from those around him. He also described spending extensive amounts of time immersed in fantasies, sometimes to the point where those fantasies appeared more emotionally significant than real-life relationships.

From a psychological perspective, fantasy can sometimes serve as a refuge from emotional discomfort. When reality feels painful, disappointing, or overwhelming, an internal world may become increasingly appealing. Over time, the boundary between fantasy and reality can become psychologically significant, not because the individual loses awareness of reality, but because emotional investment becomes concentrated within the fantasy itself.

Some researchers and mental health professionals have suggested that Jeffrey’s extreme emotional detachment may have shared certain characteristics with dissociative processes. His descriptions of emotional numbness, his tendency to retreat into fantasy, and his difficulty forming genuine interpersonal connections have led some observers to question whether dissociation may have influenced aspects of his psychological functioning.

However, it is important to acknowledge the limitations of retrospective analysis.

There is no definitive evidence proving that Jeffrey experienced dissociative episodes during the commission of his crimes. No psychologist can fully reconstruct another person’s internal experience decades after the fact. Any discussion of dissociation in Jeffrey’s case therefore remains theoretical rather than conclusive.

Nevertheless, the concept remains valuable because it offers a framework for understanding how a person can become psychologically disconnected from emotions that would ordinarily guide human behavior.

Empathy, fear, guilt, shame, and emotional reciprocity are not simply moral concepts; they are psychological experiences that help regulate how individuals interact with others. When emotional connection becomes severely impaired, the consequences can be profound.

This does not mean that dissociation causes violence, nor does it excuse violent behavior. Millions of people experience dissociative symptoms and never harm anyone. Human behavior is influenced by a complex interaction of personality, environment, mental health, life experiences, and individual choices.

Yet understanding dissociation may help illuminate one piece of a much larger psychological puzzle.

In Jeffrey’s case, the question is not whether dissociation explains his actions. It does not.

The more meaningful question may be whether chronic emotional detachment, immersion in fantasy, and a diminished connection to both self and others contributed to the psychological landscape in which those actions became possible.

While definitive answers may never exist, the question itself remains worthy of examination.

Understanding is not the same as excusing.

It is simply an attempt to better understand the extraordinary complexity of the human mind.

The Ethics of Humanisation: Why We Refuse to Look Away

There is a question that follows this memorial everywhere.

It arrives in comments, in emails, in the occasional hostile message from someone who found us through a search engine and didn’t like what they found. It is sometimes asked in good faith, sometimes not. But it deserves a serious answer either way.

The question is this: how dare you humanise Jeffrey Dahmer?

This article is our answer.

What Humanisation Actually Means

Let us be precise about language, because imprecision is where most of this debate goes wrong.

To humanise someone is not to excuse them. It is not to forgive them on behalf of people who were harmed. It is not to celebrate them, defend their actions, minimise their victims, or argue that what they did was anything other than what it was: terrible, real, and irreversible.

To humanise someone is simply to refuse to pretend they were not a person.

Jeffrey Dahmer was a person. He was born. He had a childhood. He had fears and habits and preferences. He suffered. He caused suffering. He died. Every one of those things is true simultaneously, and none of them cancels out the others.

When we say we are humanising Jeffrey Dahmer, we mean we are documenting the full reality of who he was — not the cartoon monster, not the true crime celebrity, not the symbol that has accrued around his name over thirty years. The person. The actual, complicated, damaged, damaging human being who existed in the world.

That is all we mean. It is, we think, enough.

The Criticism, Taken Seriously

The people who object to humanisation are not always wrong to object. Some of their concerns are worth taking seriously.

The most common argument is that humanising perpetrators disrespects victims — that attention and understanding directed toward someone like Jeffrey Dahmer comes at the expense of the people he killed and their families. This is worth sitting with. The victims of Jeffrey Dahmer were real people whose lives were ended violently, whose families carry grief that will never fully resolve. They deserve to be named, remembered, and honoured.

We agree with this completely.

The question is whether understanding Jeffrey Dahmer somehow prevents that. We do not think it does. Grief for victims and understanding of perpetrators are not in competition. They can — and should — coexist.

A second argument holds that humanisation creates dangerous sympathy — that understanding someone leads to excusing them, and excusing them leads to imitating them. This is a serious concern in the context of true crime culture, where parasocial relationships with killers can become genuinely unhealthy. We have seen this ourselves in the communities that surround figures like Jeffrey Dahmer, and we have written about it directly.

But there is a difference between unhealthy obsession and rigorous examination. One looks for permission. The other looks for truth. This memorial is trying to do the latter.

A third argument is philosophical: that some people, through their actions, forfeit their humanity. That Jeffrey Dahmer did things so far outside the bounds of acceptable human behaviour that to call him human is almost a category error.

We understand the impulse behind this argument. We do not accept it. Humanity is not a reward for good behaviour. It is a condition of existence. Jeffrey Dahmer was human in the way that all people are human — not because he deserved it, but because he was born.

Why Understanding Matters

There is a practical argument for humanisation that goes beyond ethics, and it is this: dehumanisation makes us less safe.

When we turn perpetrators into monsters — incomprehensible, alien, categorically different from the rest of us — we stop asking the questions that might prevent the next one. We tell ourselves that what happened was an aberration, a freak of nature, something that could not have been predicted or interrupted. We look away from the warning signs, the failures of family and school and mental health systems, the long slow accumulation of damage that precedes most violence.

Jeffrey Dahmer did not appear from nowhere. He was a child before he was a killer. He passed through institutions — schools, the Army, the justice system — that had opportunities to intervene and did not. He lived in a society that did not know how to reach people like him, partly because people like him had been rendered unthinkable.

Understanding how that happened does not excuse it. It might help prevent it from happening again. That seems worth something.

What This Memorial Is Actually Doing

We want to be direct about what this project is and is not.

This is not fan culture. We are not here because we find Jeffrey Dahmer attractive or exciting. We are not collecting memorabilia or writing fiction that romanticises his crimes. We are not arguing that what he did was acceptable or that his victims deserved what happened to them.

This is a research and documentation project. We are gathering primary sources, examining the historical record, and writing about what we find with as much rigour and honesty as we can manage. We believe that the historical record of Jeffrey Dahmer’s life has been distorted — by sensationalism, by the entertainment industry, by the true crime ecosystem that has grown up around him — and that distortion does no one any good.

We also believe, and will say plainly, that Jeffrey Dahmer’s humanity is not a controversial position. It is simply true. He was a person. Treating him as one is not radical. It is the minimum that honest examination requires.

What Humanisation Costs

We want to close with something that often goes unsaid in this debate.

Humanising Jeffrey Dahmer does not cost victims anything. It does not diminish their suffering or reduce the wrongness of what was done to them. It does not transfer anything away from them toward him.

What it costs is our comfort.

It is more comfortable to believe that people who do terrible things are fundamentally different from the rest of us. It is more comfortable to draw a clean line between the comprehensible and the monstrous, to place Jeffrey Dahmer firmly on the other side of it, and to stop thinking about him as a person.

We understand that comfort. We are choosing not to take it.

Not because it is easy. But because the truth deserves it. And because the people who came after him — the ones who are suffering right now in silence, accumulating damage, moving toward something terrible — deserve a world that is willing to look clearly at how these things happen.

That is why we are here. That is what we are doing.

We think it matters.


jeffreydahmer.memorial is a research and documentation project dedicated to the rigorous, humane examination of Jeffrey Dahmer’s life and the questions it raises. We are not affiliated with any entertainment production, true crime platform, or fan community.

“I Love You, Lionel”: Jeffrey Dahmer at Nine — A Portrait in Sound

Before the confessions, before the courtroom, before the world decided what his name would mean — there was a boy. A boy who sang Christmas songs badly and didn’t apologise for it. Who made up love songs on the spot. Who spelled out his own name with pride, as if the letters themselves were something worth celebrating. Who told his father, over and over, that he loved him.

This is what Jeffrey Dahmer sounded like at nine years old. And it matters.


There is a recording. It circulates quietly, passed between people who care enough to seek it out — a child’s voice, preserved on tape, from 1969. Jeffrey Dahmer is nine years old.

What you hear is not what you might expect. There is no shadow here, no foreboding, nothing that retrospect can weaponise into a sign of what was coming. There is only a boy — singing, playing, showing off, loving.

He sings Jingle Bells and stops midway. “I don’t remember the rest,” he says, with complete unbothered honesty, and then continues anyway. He makes up songs on the spot — a love song, a Christmas song, something that begins with “yeah yeah baby” and goes wherever it wants to go. He hits toys against what sounds like a wooden floor. He spells out his name — Jeffrey Dahmer, or sometimes just Jeff Dahmer — with the particular pride of a child who has recently learned that his name is something worth knowing.

And then, over and over, in a voice that asks for nothing in return: “I love you, Lionel. I love you. I love you.”

He had just had his first swimming lesson.


Reading the Child

What do you hear when you listen carefully?

You hear a child who is completely at ease. There is no hesitation, no self-consciousness, no awareness that he might be doing anything wrong or strange. He sings badly and doesn’t care. He forgets the words to Jingle Bells and announces the fact plainly before continuing anyway. He invents songs on the spot — love songs, Christmas songs, songs that go wherever they want — with the particular freedom of a child who has not yet learned that creativity requires an audience’s permission.

You hear warmth. The repeated declarations of love to his father — “I love you, Lionel, I love you, I love you” — are not performed for the recorder. They are simply what is there, spilling out naturally alongside news of his first swimming lesson, alongside the singing, alongside the ordinary joy of the afternoon. He is a child who feels something and says it.

You hear confidence. He spells his name with pride — Jeffrey Dahmer, or sometimes just Jeff Dahmer — as if the letters are an achievement worth announcing. Which, at nine years old, they are.

None of this is extraordinary. That is exactly the point.


1969

It is 1969. Jeffrey Dahmer is nine years old.

The family is living at 4480 West Bath Road in Bath, Ohio — the house Joyce had fallen in love with on sight, the one with woods nearby and a pond, the one that felt, for a brief time, like somewhere they might finally stay. Jeffrey had been happy there at first. He explored the woods with his dog Frisky. He collected rocks with a school friend. He liked the space and the quiet.

But the house that sounded like stability was already beginning to fracture. Lionel and Joyce’s marriage was deteriorating — the arguments, the medication, the long absences. Brian Masters writes of Joyce during this period as increasingly desperate, her consumption of pills growing, her emotional availability to her children narrowing. Lionel was at work, always at work. The boy who had once been described as cheerful and energetic was becoming, according to those who knew him, quieter. More inward. More alone.

And yet.

In this recording, made sometime in 1969, none of that is audible. What you hear instead is a child in full flight — singing, laughing, showing off, loving. Whatever was gathering in the background of his life had not yet reached him here, in this moment, with a recorder running and his father nearby.

He was still just a boy.


Why It Matters

Why does a child’s recording matter?

Because the easiest thing in the world is to let a name become only what it’s most associated with. Jeffrey Dahmer — two words that have carried, for decades, the full weight of seventeen deaths, of things so dark that most people flinch before they finish the sentence. That weight is real. It should never be minimised.

But a person is not only what they did wrong. That is the memorial’s founding argument, and this recording is one of the clearest pieces of evidence for it. Here is a child who loved his father openly and said so. Who sang badly and didn’t care. Who was proud of his name. Who had a first swimming lesson and wanted the whole world to know.

That child existed. He was real. And he deserves to be part of the record.


Jeffrey Dahmer spelled his name on a tape recorder in 1969 — with the pride of a nine-year-old who has recently learned that his name is something worth knowing.

He was right. It was.


Sources: Personal listening notes; Lionel Dahmer, A Father’s Story, 1994; Brian Masters, The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer, 1993.

Looking closer

I’ve been studying Jeff since 2022.
Not in the way people often assume.
Not out of admiration, and never to justify anything.
But because something about it made me stop… and look closer.
I’ve always been drawn to the things that don’t have simple answers.
To the quiet spaces between what is visible and what is hidden.
To the parts of human nature that most people turn away from, because they are too uncomfortable, too heavy, or too complex to hold for long.
What draws me in isn’t what he did.
It’s everything surrounding it.
The psychology.
The loneliness.
The contradictions that can exist within one person — how someone can be both deeply human and deeply broken at the same time.
I don’t believe that understanding equals excusing.
And I don’t believe that looking closer means losing your sense of right and wrong.
To me, it means the opposite.
It means being willing to sit with something difficult, without immediately reducing it to something simple just to feel safe again.
I’ve never seen the world in black and white.
There are always layers. Always reasons. Always something beneath the surface, even if we don’t like what we might find there.
And maybe that’s why I’m here.
Not to defend.
Not to glorify.
But to understand.
Because sometimes, understanding is the only honest way I know to look at things.
This is a part of me.
Quiet, complex, and real.
And I’m not here to hide it.

Sylli

November 28, 1994: The Last Morning

Jeffrey Dahmer woke up on the morning of November 28, 1994 — a Monday, Thanksgiving week — and did what he had been doing every morning for nearly three years. He got up. He got dressed. He went about his day.

He had no idea it was the last one.


The Morning

By late 1994, Jeffrey had been at Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage, Wisconsin for almost three years. He was no longer in protective isolation. After a first year spent largely separated from general population, he had gradually been integrated — attending classes, eating communal meals, performing work duties. He had earned, through quiet compliance and genuine religious engagement, a degree of ordinary prison life that most had assumed he would never be allowed.

He had been baptised six months earlier, in May 1994, submerged in the prison whirlpool by Reverend Roy Ratcliff of the Church of Christ. They had met every week since. Five days before his death — on November 23 — Jeffrey and Ratcliff had their final Bible study session together. They discussed the Book of Revelation. Its subjects: death, punishment for sins, and what comes after.

On the morning of November 28, Jeffrey left his cell to conduct his assigned work detail. He had been on cleaning duty for three weeks. That morning he was assigned to the gymnasium with two other inmates — Jesse Anderson, convicted of murdering his wife, and Christopher Scarver, serving life for a murder committed in 1990.

The three were taken to the gym by corrections officers, unshackled, and left to clean the bathrooms. They were left unsupervised for approximately twenty minutes.


What Happened in the Gym

Scarver had despised Jeffrey from the moment they arrived at Columbia at roughly the same time in 1992. He had kept his distance, watching from across the yard, repulsed by what he knew of Jeffrey’s crimes. He had carried a newspaper clipping about those crimes in his pocket for a long time — a physical reminder of his disgust.

That morning, while Scarver was filling a mop bucket with water, someone poked him in the back. He turned around. Both Jeffrey and Anderson were laughing quietly. He couldn’t tell which of them had done it.

Scarver retrieved a 20-inch metal bar from the weight room. He followed Jeffrey into a staff locker room and confronted him — showing him the newspaper clipping, asking him directly if he had done those things.

Jeffrey was shocked. He started looking for a way out. Scarver blocked the door.

According to Scarver, Jeffrey’s last words were: “I don’t care if I live or die. Go ahead and kill me.”

Scarver brought the bar down. He crushed Jeffrey’s skull with two blows. He then crossed the gym to where Anderson was working and did the same to him. The entire thing took roughly twenty minutes.

At approximately 8:10 in the morning, a corrections officer discovered Jeffrey on the bathroom floor with catastrophic head wounds. He had been beaten across the skull and his head had been repeatedly slammed against the wall.

He was still alive. He was rushed to a nearby hospital.

He was pronounced dead one hour later. He was 34 years old.


The Guard Question

Jeffrey was not supposed to be in an unsupervised situation with other inmates. He had known enemies in the prison — he had survived an earlier attack in July 1994 when inmate Osvaldo Durruthy slashed at his throat with a razor blade embedded in a toothbrush as he sat in the prison chapel. He had received only superficial wounds that time.

Scarver himself later said he believed it was no accident that he ended up alone with Jeffrey that morning. Prison officials, he claimed, knew how much he despised Jeffrey. They knew the history. And on November 28, they left the three of them together, unshackled, unsupervised, for twenty minutes.

Whether this was negligence or something more deliberate has never been officially established. The Wisconsin Department of Corrections blamed staffing issues. The investigation concluded without any guards being held accountable.

But the question remains. It has never been fully answered.


Joyce

When news of Jeffrey’s death reached his mother Joyce, her response cut through everything:

“Now is everybody happy? Now that he’s bludgeoned to death, is that good enough for everyone?”

It was the cry of a mother. Whatever she had done and not done, whatever had passed between them — in that moment, she was simply a woman whose child had been killed.


No Services

Jeffrey had left instructions in his will. He wanted no services conducted. No funeral. No headstone. No ceremony of any kind.

His wishes were respected, in that sense. There was no public funeral. No gathering. No words spoken over him in a church or at a graveside. The man who had been the subject of global media coverage for three years was disposed of, in the end, with complete silence.

His body was held by investigators — it was evidence in his own murder case — for nearly a year. Christopher Scarver was sentenced in May 1995 for the killings. Only then were Jeffrey’s remains released to his family.

On September 17, 1995 — almost ten months after his death — Jeffrey Dahmer’s body was cremated. His ashes were divided equally between his parents. Lionel took his half back to Ohio. Joyce took hers to California.


The Brain

Before cremation, doctors had opened Jeffrey’s skull and removed his brain. It had been preserved in formaldehyde at the Dane County Medical Examiner’s Office since his autopsy.

What followed was one final, painful dispute between his parents.

Joyce wanted the brain donated to science. She believed, and had always believed, that something biological had contributed to what Jeffrey became — and she wanted to know what. She told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: “Jeff always said that if he could be of any help, he wanted to do whatever he could.”

Lionel refused. He wanted the brain cremated with the rest of his son’s remains. He argued that Jeffrey had requested cremation and that this request extended to every part of him. To retain the brain against his wishes, Lionel said, would be legally and morally wrong.

Two scientists had written to the court requesting access. One, Jonathan Pincus of Georgetown University, described it as “an unparalleled chance to possibly determine what neurological factors could have contributed to his bizarre criminal behaviour.”

The case went to the Wisconsin state court. On December 13, 1995 — more than a year after Jeffrey’s death — Columbia County Circuit Judge Daniel George ordered the brain cremated. The scientists never studied it. Whatever was there — whatever might have explained something, or explained nothing — was gone.


What Was Left

Jeffrey Dahmer died at 34. He had been in prison for two years and nine months. He had been baptised six months before his death. He had met with his pastor five days before it. He had, by every account of those closest to him, been sincere in his faith and genuine in his remorse.

He died in a bathroom, on a Monday morning, before most people had finished breakfast. He died because he was left unsupervised with a man who hated him, for twenty minutes, in a maximum security prison. He died with his head on the floor.

He had asked for no ceremony. He got none.

He had asked to be cremated. He was — eventually, in pieces, disputed even in death, his brain held in a jar while his parents fought over it in court.

He had said, months before he died, that he sometimes wondered whether he was sinning against God by continuing to live. Reverend Ratcliff, who loved him, had no answer for that.

“I don’t care if I live or die.”

He had been saying some version of that for years. His mother had called him weekly and whenever she expressed concern for his safety, he told her: “It doesn’t matter, Mom. I don’t care if something happens to me.”

He meant it. He had meant it for a long time.

The baptism, the Bible study, the weekly meetings with Ratcliff — those were not the actions of a man who had given up. They were the actions of a man trying, quietly and seriously, to make something meaningful from whatever time remained. He was not performing. The people who were there said so.

He deserved more time.


Photographs of Jeffrey Dahmer deceased exist and have circulated widely online. The Memorial does not share them and will not share them. As we do not publish photographs of the victims out of respect for their dignity and humanity, we extend that same respect to Jeffrey. A person’s death is not public property. We ask anyone using those images for display — on social media, forums, or elsewhere — to please consider removing them. They do not dignify the human being who passed away. They never have.


Sources: Wikipedia; Biography.com; The Washington Post; Los Angeles Times; Reverend Roy Ratcliff, Dark Journey Deep Grace (2008); Christopher Scarver, New York Post interview (2015); Wisconsin Department of Corrections records.

Forgiveness: What It Really Means, and Why Jeffrey Dahmer Deserves It

There is a comfortable version of forgiveness that most people practice without difficulty. Forgiving someone who apologised sincerely for something relatively minor. Forgiving a friend who let you down. Forgiving yourself for a mistake that cost you something but hurt no one else irreparably.

And then there is the other kind. The kind that costs something. The kind that the entire weight of Christian theology points toward and very few people are actually willing to extend.

Jeffrey Dahmer is a test case for that second kind. And most people fail it.


The Man Nobody Wants to Mention

Before he was the Apostle Paul — before he wrote half the New Testament, before he became one of the most important figures in the history of Christianity, before he was martyred for his faith in Rome — he was Saul of Tarsus.

Saul was a persecutor of Christians. Not metaphorically. Not bureaucratically. He was present at the stoning of Saint Stephen, the first Christian martyr — holding the cloaks of the men who threw the stones, giving his approval to the killing. He went house to house in Jerusalem dragging Christians out and throwing them in prison. He obtained letters authorising him to travel to Damascus to arrest believers there and bring them back in chains. He described himself later as having been, in his own words, a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a violent man.

He caused suffering. He caused death. He did it with conviction and with the full support of the religious establishment of his time.

And then, on the road to Damascus, everything changed.


The Road to Damascus

The conversion of Saul is one of the most dramatic moments in the entire New Testament. A blinding light. A voice asking “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” Three days of blindness. And then — transformation so complete that the man who had been hunting Christians became Christianity’s greatest evangelist.

What is theologically significant about this moment is not just that Saul changed. It is what the Church did with that change.

It did not erase his past. It did not pretend the stoning of Stephen hadn’t happened or that the families of those he had imprisoned hadn’t suffered. Paul himself never pretended otherwise — he called himself the foremost of sinners, the least of the apostles, one not even deserving to be called an apostle because he had persecuted the Church of God.

The Church held both truths simultaneously: this man caused real harm to real people, and this man was genuinely transformed by grace. Both things were true. Neither cancelled the other.

That is the radical heart of Christian forgiveness. And it is what most people refuse to apply to Jeffrey Dahmer.


Jeffrey’s Damascus

Jeffrey Dahmer’s conversion was quieter than Saul’s but no less genuine according to those who witnessed it.

It began with a Bible his father sent him in prison. It deepened through a correspondence course. It culminated in the spring of 1994 when Reverend Roy Ratcliff — a minister of the Church of Christ who had agreed to meet with him after Jeffrey expressed interest in baptism — submerged him in the prison whirlpool at Columbia Correctional Institution.

Ratcliff later wrote about Jeffrey with a clarity that cuts through the noise. He described a man who was sincere, who asked real questions, who struggled genuinely with what he had done and what it meant before God. He noted that Jeffrey’s questions were not the questions of someone performing remorse for an audience. They were the questions of someone who was genuinely trying to understand whether redemption was possible for a person like him.

Jeffrey himself said: “I hope God has forgiven me. I know society will never be able to forgive me.”

He met with Ratcliff every week from his baptism in May 1994 until five days before his death in November. Their last session together covered the Book of Revelation — its subjects, death, punishment for sins, and what comes after. He was not coasting. He was working.


What the Thief on the Cross Tells Us

If the story of Saint Paul isn’t enough, consider the thief on the cross.

In the Gospel of Luke, one of the two criminals crucified alongside Jesus turns to him and says simply: “Remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And Jesus replies: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

No lengthy process of rehabilitation. No years of demonstrating changed behaviour. No committee deciding whether the repentance was sincere enough. A dying man, in his final hours, asking to be remembered — and the answer being yes.

The thief had presumably done enough to warrant execution by Roman standards. We don’t know what he did. We know that in his last moments he turned, and that turning was enough.

The theology here is explicit and radical: the reach of grace has no floor. There is no depth from which it cannot lift someone. There is no crime that places a person permanently beyond its reach.


The Prodigal Son

Jesus told a story about a son who took his inheritance early — essentially wishing his father dead — went to a foreign country and wasted everything on reckless living, and then came home in desperation, planning to beg to be taken on as a servant.

The father sees him coming from a long way off. He runs to meet him. He calls for a robe and a ring and a feast. He says: “This son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

The older son — the good one, the one who stayed, the one who did everything right — is furious. And the father’s answer to him is the heart of the parable: “We had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

The story is not about whether the prodigal deserved the feast. It is about the nature of the father. It is about what grace looks like when it is genuinely operating.

The people who insist Jeffrey Dahmer cannot be forgiven are, in the parable’s terms, standing outside the feast refusing to come in. That is their right. But it does not change what is happening inside.


Why People Refuse

The resistance to extending forgiveness to Jeffrey is understandable on a human level. His crimes were of a type that the mind struggles to hold. The nature of what he did — the intimacy of it, the specific choices involved — creates a revulsion that is visceral and real.

But Christian forgiveness was never designed for easy cases. It was designed precisely for the cases where human instinct says no. The entire point of the theology is that grace operates where human moral accounting breaks down — that it covers what we cannot cover ourselves, reaches where we cannot reach, holds what we cannot hold.

If forgiveness only extends to the people we find it easy to forgive, it is not forgiveness in the Christian sense. It is just social approval.

Paul understood this. He wrote in his first letter to Timothy: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners — of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience.”

The worst of sinners. Shown mercy. So that the display of that mercy might mean something to everyone else.


What Jeffrey Said

At his sentencing in 1992, Jeffrey Dahmer spoke in court. He said:

“I know my time in prison will be terrible, but I deserve whatever I get because of what I have done. Thank God there will be no more victims and no more suffering. I believe I was completely out of my mind. I hated no one. I knew I was sick or evil, or both. I know that you cannot forgive me for what I have done. I ask for no consideration.”

He asked for no consideration. He said he deserved whatever he got. He acknowledged his illness. He expressed relief that there would be no more victims.

And then, two years later, he was baptised.

And then, six months after that, he was dead.

The arc of his last years was not the arc of a man performing for parole or reputation. He had no parole to seek. He had said himself he expected to die in prison. He was working through something privately, seriously, with a minister who had no reason to lie about what he witnessed.


The Question

If Saint Paul deserves to be called a saint — if the Church can hold together the man who approved the stoning of Stephen and the man who wrote “love is patient, love is kind” — then the question must be asked honestly:

Why not Jeffrey?

Not because what he did wasn’t devastating. Not because the families of his victims are required to forgive him — they are not, and their pain is not ours to adjudicate. But because the theology either means what it says or it doesn’t. Because grace either has no ceiling or it has one, and if it has one, Christianity needs to say so plainly.

Jeffrey Dahmer repented. He was baptised. He studied. He questioned. He asked whether God could forgive him and he was told yes. Reverend Ratcliff believed it. The minister who spent months with him, who had no reason to be deceived, believed it.

The thief on the cross asked to be remembered. He was told: today.

“I hope God has forgiven me.”

The theology says: yes.


Sources: The New Testament — Acts of the Apostles, Luke 23, 1 Timothy 1, Luke 15; Reverend Roy Ratcliff, Dark Journey Deep Grace (2008); Jeffrey Dahmer sentencing statement, Milwaukee, 1992.

The Dehumanisation of Jeffrey Dahmer

There is a word for what happens when a society decides that a person no longer deserves the basic protections extended to other human beings. That word is dehumanisation. It is not a metaphor. It is a documented psychological process with a name, a mechanism, and a history — and it happened to Jeffrey Dahmer both while he was alive and continues, with remarkable consistency, after his death.

This article is about that process. About what was done to him, why it was done, and what it reveals about the people who did it.


What Was Done to Him

When Jeffrey arrived at Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage, Wisconsin in February 1992, he was placed in a cell and subjected to hours of relentless taunting from the surrounding cell block. Questions shouted through bars. Threats. Mockery. The noise escalated, got louder, cruder, more specific. Jeffrey said nothing. For hours, nothing at all. He sat in Cell 1 and waited.

This was not the worst of it.

Reports from that period describe Jeffrey being made to sleep naked on the floor of his cell during his first days at the institution. He was denied basic privacy. He was displayed, essentially, as a spectacle — the worst thing that had happened in Wisconsin in living memory, now contained and available for inspection.

An open door leads to the jail cell used to confine Jeffrey Dahmer between trial sessions. (Photo by © Ralf-Finn Hestoft/CORBIS/Corbis via Getty Images)

During his trial in 1992, he sat behind eight feet of bulletproof glass, separated from the courtroom — not for any genuine security reason, but because his presence was considered too dangerous to exist in the same physical space as ordinary proceedings. He was tried, in a real sense, as something other than a man.

And then there were the shackles. Each day of his trial, Jeffrey was escorted to court handcuffed in a wheelchair — because the leg irons placed on him were so heavy that they made walking impossible. A 6’1” man, unable to bear the weight of his own restraints, wheeled through courthouse corridors like freight.

One day, as he was being wheeled toward the courtroom, a woman passing in the hallway recognised him and let out a bloodcurdling scream. Jeffrey, unperturbed, muttered quietly: “I guess I should’ve shaved.”

In a wheelchair. In shackles so heavy he could not walk. Being wheeled through a public building while a stranger screamed at the sight of him. And his response was a dry, quiet joke about not having shaved. That is not the response of a monster. That is the response of a person — exhausted, dignified in the only way left available to him, and still, somehow, human.


The Psychology of Dehumanisation

Psychologists have studied dehumanisation extensively, particularly in the context of how ordinary people become capable of cruelty toward other human beings. The mechanism is consistent: first, you remove someone’s humanity in your own mind. You assign them to a category — monster, animal, thing — that exists outside the circle of moral concern. Once that categorisation is complete, cruelty becomes not only possible but, for many people, feels righteous.

Jeffrey Dahmer was an almost perfect candidate for this process. His crimes were so extreme, so far outside anything most people could comprehend or contextualise, that the leap to monster felt not only natural but necessary. To acknowledge his humanity would be to sit with something deeply uncomfortable — that a person, a recognisable human being, had done these things. That the distance between him and everyone else was perhaps not as vast as we need it to be.

It is easier, and psychologically safer, to make him into something else entirely.

The inmates who taunted him on his first night in prison were not psychopaths. They were ordinary people who had been given permission — by the media, by the trial, by the collective verdict of society — to treat this particular human being as less than human. The guards who allowed Jeffrey to be made to sleep on the floor were not monsters. They were people acting within a system that had already decided Jeffrey was beyond the protections that system normally provides.


He Dealt With It in Silence

What is striking, in every account of Jeffrey’s time in prison, is how he responded to this treatment. Not with rage. Not with breakdown. With a kind of quiet, contained dignity that the people around him seemed entirely unprepared for.

When the taunting on his first night reached its peak — Did the male parts taste good? Do you prefer dark meat or white meat? — Jeffrey said nothing for hours. He waited. And then, when one inmate shouted Hey Jeff, how’s the corpse?, he answered, after a pause, with three words: Chunky. Delicious and tasty.

The ward went quiet.

It was not aggression. It was not a breakdown. It was a man refusing, in the only way available to him, to be entirely erased. He turned the taunting back on itself with a precision that silenced the room. Whatever you think of him, whatever he did — that moment was human. That was a person navigating something impossible with the tools he had.

Detective Dennis Murphy, who spent sixty hours taking his confession, said Jeffrey was cooperative, frank, and without guile. Reverend Roy Ratcliff, who baptised him in prison and visited him regularly until his death, described a man who was sincere, reflective, and genuinely spiritually searching. The FBI agents who interviewed him found him completely credible.

These were people who actually sat with him. Who treated him as a human being capable of communication and reflection. And what they found, consistently, was exactly that.


What Happens Today

Jeffrey Dahmer has been dead for thirty years. And the dehumanisation has not stopped.

His death photographs circulate freely on blogs and social media. His face — split open, unrecognisable, the result of a brutal beating by a fellow inmate — is shared, reposted, used as profile pictures by people who consider this an act of justice or entertainment. The images are not difficult to find. They are treated as public property, as a spectacle to be consumed.

Compare this to how the photographs of his victims are treated. The families of those seventeen men have fought for decades to keep graphic images of their loved ones private. Society, broadly, respects this. The victims are afforded the dignity of death. Jeffrey is not.

This double standard is not justice. It is not about the victims. If it were about the victims, their families’ pain would be the centre of the conversation — and most of the people sharing Jeffrey’s death photographs have no particular investment in those families at all.

It is about something else. It is about the satisfaction of seeing a specific person degraded, even in death. It is about the continuation of a process that began the moment he was arrested — the process of making him into something that does not deserve what the rest of us are given automatically.

That is not justice. That is cruelty with permission.


Disputed Even in Death: The Brain

Jeffrey had left clear instructions in his will: he wished to be cremated. No services. No headstone. Nothing. He wanted to be gone cleanly, on his own terms.

What happened instead was that before his body was cremated in September 1995, doctors removed his brain and preserved it in formaldehyde. His parents — long divorced — then fought a public legal battle over what to do with it. His mother Joyce wanted it donated to science, hoping researchers might find a biological explanation for what he did. His father Lionel wanted it cremated, in line with Jeffrey’s stated wishes.

The case went to court. A judge ultimately ordered the brain cremated in December 1995 — more than a year after Jeffrey’s death — without any scientific study being conducted.

Whatever one thinks of the arguments on either side, the basic fact remains: Jeffrey had expressed a clear wish about what should happen to his remains, and that wish was overridden — his body becoming, even after death, a matter for courts and public dispute rather than quiet, private dignity.


The Tapes He Didn’t Know Were Being Kept

In 2023, a four-part documentary series titled My Son Jeffrey: The Dahmer Family Tapes was released on Fox Nation. It features audio recordings of private conversations between Jeffrey and his father Lionel, made during prison visits and phone calls — conversations that Jeffrey had no reason to believe would ever be made public.

Lionel, by all accounts, recorded these conversations out of a genuine desire to understand his son — a father grappling with something incomprehensible, reaching for any thread of explanation. That impulse is human and understandable. But the decision to release those recordings to a documentary production, to broadcast them on television for public consumption, raises a question that nobody in the coverage seemed particularly interested in asking: would Jeffrey have wanted this?

Jeffrey, who confessed everything willingly to investigators, who spoke openly with Roy Ratcliff and with the detectives who interviewed him — Jeffrey who asked for no consideration at his sentencing and accepted whatever came — nevertheless had a private interior life. He had conversations with his father that existed in the space between two people, not for the world.

Thirty years after his death, those conversations were packaged and broadcast. His voice, his words, his private reaching toward his father in a prison cell — turned into content. The dehumanisation does not require malice. Sometimes it simply requires treating a person’s private life as raw material, available to anyone who wants it.


The Comparison That Nobody Makes

Ted Bundy confessed to nothing voluntarily. He manipulated, performed, charmed, and deflected until the very end — defending himself in court, flirting with the press, using every tool available to him to avoid accountability. He was a diagnosed psychopath with no genuine remorse. He died having never fully owned what he did.

Jeffrey Dahmer confessed to everything. He cooperated completely. He expressed genuine remorse in terms that those closest to him found credible. He repented. He was baptised. He spent his final years in quiet reflection with a prison chaplain.

Bundy is a cultural icon. Jeffrey is a target.

The difference is not the severity of the crimes — Bundy killed more people. The difference is that Jeffrey’s crimes were of a type that made dehumanisation easier. The cannibalism, the necrophilia — these are the elements that push him beyond the boundary of what people can hold as human. And once beyond that boundary, anything becomes permissible.


Why It Matters

We are not asking anyone to forget what Jeffrey did. We are not asking for sympathy that erases the suffering of seventeen families. Those two things can exist simultaneously — grief for the victims and the recognition that a human being deserves to be treated as one, even after death, even in prison, even in the face of crimes that are almost impossible to comprehend.

The people who post his death photographs are not more moral than the people who don’t. They are not more protective of the victims. They are simply people who have found a target that society has declared acceptable — and they are doing what people always do when a target is declared acceptable.

Jeffrey Dahmer was a human being. He was a deeply traumatised, profoundly ill, ultimately destroyed human being who caused incalculable harm. He was also a man who planted yellow roses, who got down on the floor to play with a cat named Jodi, who said much much better quietly to himself in the dark.

Both of these things were true. They will always have been true.

The dehumanisation does not change that. It only tells us something about ourselves.


Sources: Anonymous inmate memoir; Reverend Roy Ratcliff, Dark Journey Deep Grace (2008); Detective Dennis Murphy, various interviews; Brian Masters, The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer (1993); The Washington Post; Fox Nation, My Son Jeffrey: The Dahmer Family Tapes (2023); Psychology research on dehumanisation.

The Thin Line: Jeffrey Dahmer Through the Eyes of Georges Bataille

In 1957, the French philosopher Georges Bataille published a book called Erotism: Death and Sensuality. It was not about serial killers. It was not about crime. It was a philosophical study of the deepest impulses in human nature — the desire for intimacy, the pull of transgression, the relationship between love and death, and the strange territory where the sacred and the forbidden become indistinguishable from each other.

Bataille died in 1962. He never knew Jeffrey Dahmer’s name.

And yet Erotism reads, in places, like a philosophical map of Jeffrey’s inner world — written thirty years before anyone knew that world existed. Not because Bataille was describing a killer, but because he was describing something in human nature that Jeffrey took further than almost anyone ever has. The concepts Bataille spent a lifetime developing — discontinuity, continuity, transgression, the sacred dimension of taboo — illuminate Jeffrey’s own words in a way that no clinical diagnosis ever quite manages.

This article is an attempt to place those two things side by side, with care and with honesty.


The Problem of Discontinuity

Bataille begins Erotism with a philosophical observation so simple it is easy to miss its weight. Every human being, he says, is a discontinuous being. We are each enclosed within ourselves, bounded by skin and bone and the limits of our own consciousness. We are born alone. We die alone. Between any two people there is a gulf — fundamental and unbridgeable — that no amount of communication can fully close.

This discontinuity, Bataille argues, is the source of the deepest human suffering. We long for what he calls continuity — a dissolution of the separate self into something larger, a merging with another being that ends the terrible isolation of individual existence. This longing, he says, is at the root of three things: physical eroticism, emotional love, and religious experience. All three are, at their core, attempts to escape discontinuity. To breach the wall between the self and the other. To touch, however briefly, the continuity that death alone can fully restore.

Now consider what Jeffrey said, in his own words, about why he did what he did.

“It made me feel like they were a permanent part of me.”

“I wanted to keep them with me as long as possible, even if it meant just keeping a part of them.”

“I could completely control a person — a person that I found physically attractive — and keep them with me as long as possible.”

This is not the language of hatred. This is not even, primarily, the language of desire in the conventional sense. This is the language of someone trying — in the most extreme and catastrophic way imaginable — to solve the problem Bataille identified. The problem of discontinuity. The unbearable separateness of being a self.

Jeffrey did not want to destroy. He wanted to fuse. He wanted continuity. He wanted the boundary to disappear. Bataille writes that eroticism is, at its core, the attempt to substitute for individual isolated discontinuity a feeling of profound continuity. Jeffrey’s words are that theory spoken aloud — not as philosophy, but as confession.


The Thin Line Between a Kiss and Cannibalism

Bataille’s most unsettling argument — and the one most directly relevant to Jeffrey — is about what he calls the logic of eroticism pushed to its extreme.

Physical eroticism, he argues, is already a form of violation. The erotic act dissolves the boundaries of the self. It is, at its most fundamental, an attempt to break the separateness of two discontinuous beings — to achieve, however briefly, a state of fusion. He writes that the whole business of eroticism is to destroy the self-contained character of the participants. Nakedness, he says, is the first gesture of this dissolution: the removal of the barriers that maintain discontinuity. What follows is a temporary merging, a momentary continuity, before the boundaries are restored and the two people are separate again.

He then asks: what happens when this logic is pursued without limits?

The Marquis de Sade, Bataille notes, defined murder as the pinnacle of erotic excitement. Bataille does not celebrate this. He analyses it. He says that the destructive element pushed to its logical conclusion does not necessarily take us out of the field of eroticism. That if the drive behind eroticism is the dissolution of the separate self — the achievement of continuity — then death is, in a terrible sense, its ultimate fulfilment. Death is the only truly permanent dissolution of discontinuity. Death makes the bounded self continuous with everything again.

This is the thin line. Between the kiss — which reaches across the discontinuity toward the other — and the extreme that Jeffrey enacted, there is a difference of degree, not of kind. Both are movements toward the same impossible thing. Both are attempts to end the isolation that Bataille says defines human existence. The kiss fails, as all such attempts must fail — the boundary returns, the two people are separate again, the discontinuity is restored. Jeffrey’s attempts failed too, in the same way, which is perhaps why they escalated. Each time the boundary came back. The continuity was lost. The person was gone and Jeffrey was alone again in Cell 213.

De Sade himself wrote: “There is no better way to know death than to link it with some licentious image.” Bataille uses this to illustrate the connection between eroticism and death that most people refuse to look at directly. Jeffrey lived inside that connection. He did not choose it. It was given to him — by what combination of neurology, trauma, and chance we do not fully know — and he could not find his way out of it.


Taboo and Transgression: The Desire Created by the Prohibition

One of Bataille’s most radical arguments is about the relationship between taboos and desire. We tend to think of taboos as simply prohibitions — things we are forbidden from doing. Bataille argues that this misses the essential dynamic. Taboos, he says, do not suppress desire. They create it.

He writes: “A transgression is not the same as a back-to-nature movement; it suspends a taboo without suppressing it. Here lies the mainspring of eroticism and of religion too.”

The taboo and the transgression need each other. The prohibition is what makes the transgression possible, what gives it its weight and its charge. Without the taboo, there is no transgression — only an act. The law is not the enemy of the desire; it is its precondition. The sacred and the forbidden are, for Bataille, the same thing seen from different angles.

He illustrates this with religious cannibalism. In certain archaic practices, he writes, the eating of human flesh is both the most forbidden act and the most sacred. The taboo does not create the taste of the flesh — but it stands as the reason the ritual cannibal consumes it. The prohibition is precisely what makes the act holy. The pious cannibal knows full well that this is forbidden; knowing the taboo to be fundamental, he violates it. The desire and the law are inseparable.

Jeffrey understood this, at some level, without ever having read Bataille. He knew that what he desired was forbidden. He fought it for years — the long years at his grandmother’s house, the Bible reading, the missionaries he sent money to, the genuine attempt at control. The awareness that it was wrong was not separate from the desire. It was part of it. The boundary was not an obstacle. It was, in Bataille’s terms, the very thing that made the desire what it was.


Sacrifice and the Sacred: The Baptism

Bataille draws an extended comparison between the erotic act and sacrifice. In sacrifice, he argues, the victim’s death reveals continuity to the witnesses. The discontinuous being is destroyed and in its place what remains — what the spectators experience in the silence that follows — is the continuity of all existence. Death dissolves the particular back into the universal. The bounded self becomes unbounded. This, Bataille says, is the sacred.

He writes: “A violent death disrupts the creature’s discontinuity; what remains, what the tense onlookers experience in the succeeding silence, is the continuity of all existence with which the victim is now one.”

And then there is this: in May 1994, Jeffrey Dahmer was baptised in a steel tub inside Columbia Correctional Institution by Reverend Roy Ratcliff. He was convicted of seventeen murders. He had been in prison for two years. He would be dead in six months.

Jeffrey had arrived, by the end of his life, at something that Bataille’s framework can help us understand. He had been pursuing continuity through one path his entire adult life — the only path available to the thing in him that needed it. In prison, with Ratcliff visiting weekly, reading the Bible, discussing death and redemption and whether he deserved to continue living, he found another path to the same place. Religious eroticism, in Bataille’s terms, is the pursuit of continuity through the sacred — the dissolution of the self not through physical transgression but through union with something beyond individual existence.

Jeffrey told Ratcliff that he sometimes wondered whether he was sinning against God by continuing to live. He had internalized his own discontinuity as the deepest problem of his existence. The baptism — the immersion, the dissolution, the emergence — was perhaps the first time he had tried to reach continuity in a way that did not destroy another person in the process.

Bataille writes that the paths toward continuity vary. Their object, he says, has a great variety of aspects. Jeffrey had spent his life on one path. In his last year he tried another.


Where Bataille’s Theory Has Limits

It would be dishonest to use Bataille’s framework without acknowledging where it becomes insufficient.

Bataille’s analysis of transgression is ultimately descriptive. He is tracing the logic of certain human impulses — mapping the terrain between the sacred and the forbidden, between desire and death. He is not excusing. He is understanding. And understanding, as this memorial has always argued, is not the same as condoning.

But there is a dimension that Bataille’s theory of transgression does not fully account for, and it is the most important one: consent. Bataille writes about eroticism as a mutual dissolution. The sacrifice, even in its most archaic forms, was performed within a collective ritual framework. The transgression operated within a structure, however violent, that held some meaning for those involved.

Jeffrey’s victims did not choose dissolution. They did not consent to become part of someone else’s search for continuity. They were people with their own discontinuities, their own desires for continuity, their own inner worlds every bit as rich and real as Jeffrey’s. They were not symbolic victims in a ritual. They were Steven, James, Richard, Anthony, Raymond, Edward, Ernest, David, Curtis, Errol, Tony, Konerak, Matt, Jeremiah, Oliver, Joseph — and the first, Steven Hicks, eighteen years old, hitchhiking home from a concert.

Bataille helps us understand the logic of what Jeffrey did — the philosophical structure of the impulse, the deep human need it expressed in its most catastrophic form. He does not, and cannot, make it acceptable. The theory illuminates. It does not absolve.


Why This Matters

The reason to read Jeffrey Dahmer through Bataille is not to aestheticise what he did or to find it philosophically elegant. It is because the alternative — treating Jeffrey as simply monstrous, as categorically other, as something outside the human — is both intellectually dishonest and, ultimately, more dangerous.

Bataille wrote at the beginning of Erotism: “The human spirit is prey to the most astounding impulses. Man goes constantly in fear of himself. His erotic urges terrify him.” He was not writing about serial killers. He was writing about everyone. The impulses Jeffrey enacted at their most extreme — the desire for fusion, the longing for continuity, the relationship between desire and death, the terrible pull of the forbidden — are not alien to human nature. They are human nature, at its edges, in its darkest expression.

Jeffrey himself said it: “I don’t think there was something that happened that made me like this. Because this was always just how I was.” He was not describing a monster. He was describing a person whose inner life had taken a particular shape — one that Bataille’s philosophy, for all its difficulty and discomfort, helps us see more clearly than almost any other framework available to us.

Understanding that is not forgiveness for what was done. But it is the beginning of the kind of comprehension that might, one day, mean that someone like Jeffrey — someone carrying that particular configuration of need and isolation and desire — finds a different path before the irreversible moment arrives.

That seems worth understanding.


Sources: Georges Bataille, Erotism: Death and Sensuality (City Lights Books, 1986, translated Mary Dalwood); Jeffrey Dahmer, Inside Edition interview (1993); Jeffrey Dahmer, Dateline NBC interview with Stone Phillips (1994); Roy Ratcliff, Dark Journey Deep Grace (2011); Brian Masters, The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer (1993).

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