I believe art can help souls; I started to produce portraits of Jeffrey with the intention of helping his soul transform and transcend through beauty and art, where Jeffrey can be put into a context where he can exist peacefully, where he can love and be loved, experience desire without hurt and, ultimately, be happy.
I do not use any AI Model trained to produce Jeffrey’s face, I do use Img2Img in some more classical and obvious forms of portraits but, for the most part, Jeffrey’s image appears through to my outputs in a supernatural fashion, where no photo of him is used, nor any reference to his name. I make use of Photoshop to correct some body features that do not come out well enough through my AI machine, however, his face is, very rarely, corrected or modified.
Untitled with Glasses (2023) – A spontaneous output, unmodified.
I do have a very deep connection with Jeffrey’s soul; I believe my mission is to help him, as he has been, to me, a guiding soul, since my childhood years. I believe his soul is Good and that he has repented in a deep and honest way, choosing to become Light.
It has been very hard for me, and for the community that supports this belief, to experience so much hatred and intolerance, in places that shout words of freedom, in a very selective way that does not give any space to real things in this world, like: forgiveness to those who really need it.
[I am currently without Instagram or any other platform, because our mission is unwelcome and my accounts keep being taken down.]
In the case of Jeffrey Dahmer, Dr. Judith Becker, an expert in forensic psychiatry, has speculated about a potential connection between his childhood hernia surgery and his later behavior. Her statement raises questions about the influence of traumatic medical experiences on individuals, particularly in relation to Dahmer’s disturbing actions of cutting up bodies.
During the 1960s and 70s, it was not uncommon for babies & young children to undergo surgeries without adequate anesthesia. These experiences were often painful and traumatic, leaving a lasting impact on the psychological well-being of the individuals involved. That was compounded also by the fact that studies in the 1940s had incorrectly stated that babies and infants lacked the capability to feel pain, after they seemed to be unresponsive to pinpricks for example. This was later explained by a failure to correctly interpret infant body language.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s Surgery and potential coping mechanisms
Jeffrey Dahmer, as a child, underwent a hernia surgery. It is believed that this surgery, in the early 60s, may have been performed without sufficient anesthesia. Dr. Judith Becker has speculated that this traumatic experience could have influenced Jeffrey’s later behavior, particularly his inclination towards violence and the gruesome act of dismembering and cutting up bodies. After the operation, 4y.o. Jeffrey asked his parents if someone had cut off his penis. This inquiry raises the distressing possibility that he may have felt pain or confusion during the procedure, which could have influenced his subsequent behavior.
Dr. Judith Becker’s Statement
Dr. Becker about Jeff during an interview for a documentary
Dr. Becker ( expert witness during legal proceedings), presented her speculation regarding the potential connection between Jeff’s surgery and his subsequent behavior. Her statement suggests that traumatic medical experiences, such as Jeffrey’s surgery, can have profound psychological effects on individuals, potentially shaping their behavior in unsettling ways. The impact of traumatic experiences on individuals’ psychological development is a multifaceted issue. While traumatic events can contribute to the development of psychological conditions and maladaptive behaviors, it is important to consider other factors, such as genetic predisposition, environmental influences, and individual coping mechanisms, when examining the root causes of disturbing behavior.
Continued Research and Awareness
Dr. Becker’s speculation regarding Dahmer’s surgery and its potential influence on his behavior underscores the need for further research and understanding in the field of trauma. Investigating the relationship between childhood medical trauma and long-term psychological outcomes can provide valuable insights into the complexities of human development, aiding in the identification of interventions to mitigate the potential negative impacts.
The significance of the operation in the trial against Jeffrey Dahmer did NOT receive adequate attention and was not taken as seriously as it should have been. Despite the potential trauma and pain Jeffrey may have experienced during this surgery, the court proceedings focused primarily on his later disturbing actions.The case of this experience and his subsequent disturbing behavior highlights the significance of traumatic medical experiences in shaping an individual’s psychological well-being. While Dr. Becker’s statement offers a speculative perspective, it prompts us to consider the potential connections between traumatic events and aberrant behaviors.
BONUS
Dr Becker telling studends about Jeffrey Dahmers case and how she was involved 🙂
i empathize with jeff as a human being. i don’t empathize with his decisions. this is why it’s so uniquely painful to read about all he’s done. but i don’t think i ever lose my empathy for him, even in his deepest depravity — and that’s a hard pill to swallow, even for me myself.
when i read about him jerking off in front of 12-year-olds in hopes that they would stare at him admiringly, or when i think about how he molested somsack, i feel disgusted and sickened and horrified. and angry with him, too. REALLY pissed off at him, in fact. when he does stuff to underage boys, that’s the closest i get to wanting to just destroy him — even more than the murders for some reason. we don’t know what happens after death, and most of what he did to his victims’ bodies happened postmortem. still awful, but at least there’s a little comfort in knowing they didn’t feel any of it. but the living victims especially have to deal with sustained trauma, and i think about how those developing brains get that trauma irreversibly woven into their psyches.
he selfishly exerted power and control over the powerless in so many ways. and it angers me when i think about it. it doesn’t matter how bad your fucking childhood was; you don’t take it out on innocents. doesn’t matter what age those innocents are, really — it’s wrong regardless — but there’s something especially infuriating about it when they’re so young and they have their whole lives ahead of them, and you choose to inflict scars on them that impact their brain development and therefore go even deeper in a way.
strangely, though, i don’t lose my affection for him as a whole person. it stretches the limits of my empathy to painful extremes, no doubt about that. but my love for him never goes away. and that in itself makes me feel guilty when i think about it in the context of his crimes, like i’m doing something wrong. but at the same time, i remember how much he regretted his actions — and call me naïve, but i truly think he did have remorse, though that’s another tangent — and so my first instinct is to wipe the emotional slate clean [as much as possible] and give him the chance in my mind to do the right thing from now on. that’s the type of person i’ve always been and probably always will be. i’ve always been quick to forgive as long as i think the person really meant it. and if they did, then i think it’s only fair to prioritize moving forward. and jeff seemed to be trending “better” toward the end, so i can probably safely assume that this was a genuine change of heart.
i don’t think i have that Fi “repulsion switch” that’s talked about in MBTI, where a single action or trait of a person — or even multiple traits at once — makes you hate everything about them. i don’t naturally view people as angels or demons, and i’ve really felt more pressure from outside to feel this way than anything else. we’re all just humans, all forced to exist in grey areas. it’s just that jeff’s lows were THE LOWEST you could go without being an outright sadistic POS.
but he lacked that bitter “sting” to his soul that sadists like john wayne gacy had. he had the darkness and the heaviness without the sting of truly enjoying what he was doing. deriving pleasure from an act isn’t the same as enjoying it on a character level, if that makes sense. you can get a physical rush from something and be disgusted at your own body’s reactions to it, asking yourself “ugh, why the fuck do i LIKE this?” that sort of agonizing rug-burn of the soul can really feel like a war inside of you. i’ve been there with alcohol and benzos, just exhausted by my body’s cravings for those things. physically enjoying the rush they gave me, but hating that it brought me pleasure when i knew it was fucking up my life.
i think there was probably at least some of that going on inside of jeff with his sex addiction and alcoholism. the way he leaned into the “evil” nature of the exorcist iii, using the yellow contact lenses to “get into character,” seems like a coping mechanism to me. like he figured he was just going to be evil no matter what, so he may as well go all-out and embrace it. the way he said he felt “so hopelessly evil and perverted” makes me think this. if you can’t beat it, join it, i suppose. he said that he didn’t like feeling evil, though. and i believe he really was trying to be better, considering how perfectionistic he was about christianity toward the end.
this is how i see him after considering his life as a whole. not separating him into child jeff and teen jeff and crime-spree jeff and prison jeff. when i consider the entirety of his life and look at the whole context, i see a person who struggled immensely with tons of horrific urges — WAY more than most of us would ever experience in a full lifespan, to say nothing of his 34 short years. and i do see someone who was ultimately too weak and self-centered to admit to himself that he couldn’t handle it all on his own, though at the same time i do think that most people would have trouble admitting even a fraction of all that shit out loud. still, though, when push comes to shove, ANYTHING is better than murder, and he still chose murder [and all kinds of other awful things]. but i do see why he, as a human being who had really never been fully listened to or taught that it was okay to trust others enough to let them help him, would be reluctant to say anything to anyone. his own actions trapped him at every turn, and there are no do-overs when death is involved.
it’s just a huge mess. JEFF was a huge mess. but i see his struggles, and i can’t help but feel for him overall. no matter what point he was at in his life, he was still the same person by definition. and i love that person. i love him for making years of effort to battle the horrible desires and fantasies that “filled his thoughts all day long.” i love him for sincerely repenting and dedicating whatever time and effort he had left toward being a better person. i love him for the soul he was deep down, that soul that was buried under all the sickness and the domino effect of terrible decisions. that soul that had to fight himself all on his own, more or less. no one gets an instruction manual for how to live as the person they are, and if anyone would’ve needed one, it’d have been jeff. in many ways, he lived life on an extreme difficulty setting, at least internally. and try as we might, no one except jeff dahmer will ever know how hard it really was to be jeff dahmer. and he’s certainly not around anymore to tell us.
i know that his sincerity is contested, but i’m the type of person who gives the benefit of the doubt, i guess. thinking this way gives me something to live for. and even though it’s still important to have boundaries so you don’t self-destruct or get taken advantage of, you can still love and forgive someone from a distance. and that’s how i approach jeff. i would never actually want to be in a relationship with him or anything, if that were possible — he wasn’t capable of a healthy relationship by any means, and that was the root of his whole problem! but i can care about him as much as i want from thousands of miles and several decades away.
and if it turns out i’m wrong and he really was just a total piece of shit who’s duped me into seeing him as human, fuck it. i’ve lost NOTHING by emphasizing the potential for a good outcome in this highly-complicated situation where we’ll never truly know either way. honestly, if i wasn’t optimistic, i’d have killed myself a long time ago because there wouldn’t be any point in battling my depression. i don’t want to be here if i can’t enjoy life, if i can’t see the good in people and situations wherever i find it. so if nothing else, i’ve at least fulfilled MY purpose here by erring on the side of positivity when even the clearest explanation still seems ambiguous.
when i see those polaroids, it’s very strange. it’s absolutely horrifying, yes.. hard to believe a human being could even do that to another. but as i look at them, the main thing i end up thinking about is just how far gone jeff was. how profoundly sick he must have been in order to do these things at all.. and not only that, but NOT be a sadist. NOT be someone who enjoyed causing suffering. it makes it clear just how much of an unfathomable death grip his addictions must’ve had on his mind for him to go to these lengths.
it’s quite understandable why some people think he must have been sadistic in order to do this shit. and yet he wasn’t, and we have plenty of evidence to show this. so as much as i guess i feel an outside pressure to hate him for it, i still can’t. i’ll never hate jeff, ever. i still feel just as terrible for him as i do for his victims. the tragedy just goes that much deeper in my mind.
Within the depths of remorse, the soul of a killer lingers, burdened by its actions. A victim of unfortunate circumstance, it found itself in the wrong time and place, meeting its untimely end at the hands of another human. Yearning for redemption, it reminds us of life’s fragility and the transformative power of forgiveness. The tale of the remorseful killer serves as a somber reflection on the fragile nature of existence. It compels us to confront our own vulnerabilities, urging us to consider the impact of our choices and actions. Through its story, we are reminded of the potential for redemption that resides within each of us, a flickering light amidst the shadows.
May this tale etch upon our hearts a profound lesson, reminding us to approach judgment with humility and to offer compassion where it is needed most. Let us navigate the intricate tapestry of life with gentle steps, mindful of the interconnectedness of our stories. For in understanding the plight of the remorseful soul, we gain a deeper understanding of our shared humanity.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s existence unveils the profound humanity that lurked within, challenging society’s tendency to reduce him to a monstrous label.
Young Jeffrey Dahmer
It is crucial to grasp that he was a complex human being with his own thoughts, emotions, and struggles. Recognizing Jeffrey’s humanity does not diminish the gravity of his actions; instead, it emphasizes the need to understand the intricate factors that led to his descent into darkness. By acknowledging his humanity, we confront the unsettling truth that anyone, under specific circumstances and influences, could potentially succumb to destructive paths.This acknowledgement compels us to examine the societal and psychological elements that contribute to such horrors. It calls for a compassionate society that fosters empathy, early intervention, and mental well-being, addressing the underlying complexities of human behavior.
In our pursuit of healing and prevention, let us not forget the humanity and soul within people like Jeffrey Dahmer. By acknowledging their humanity, we can build a future focused on compassion, understanding, and the well-being of all.
Jeffrey Dahmer occupies a distinctive place among serial killers. While his actions remain horrifying, it is crucial to delve into his unique existence, which sets him apart from other notorious figures. A closer examination reveals intriguing facets, including his display of remorse, unconventional motivations, and a deviation from the conventional sadistic nature associated with such individuals.
One striking aspect of Dahmer’s existence is the presence of remorse. Unlike many serial killers who show little to no guilt for their heinous acts, Dahmer expressed genuine remorse for the pain and suffering he caused. This element challenges our perceptions and underscores the complexity of his psychological makeup.
Jeffrey’s motivations diverge from the stereotypical sadism commonly associated with serial killers. While his crimes were undeniably monstrous, it is important to recognize that his primary drive was not deriving pleasure from inflicting pain. Instead, Jeffrey was driven by an overwhelming desire for control, companionship, and a twisted quest for a sense of connection that tragically manifested in horrific acts. Jeffrey Dahmer’s unique existence reveals a surprising human dimension that is not commonly found among serial killers.
His actions were not solely driven by sadistic impulses; rather, they were born out of a desperate need to fill an emotional void within himself. This distinction challenges our understanding of the motivations behind such crimes, highlighting the complex interplay of psychological factors that can drive individuals down dark paths. Jeffrey’s remorse and unconventional motivations mark him as a rarity among his notorious peers.
His willingness to express regret and introspection sets him apart from those who revel in their violence and show no remorse. This distinction provokes further questions about the intricate dynamics that shaped his troubled existence and the potential for redemption in even the most depraved minds.The existence of Jeffrey Dahmer defies easy categorization. It forces us to confront the enigmatic nature of human psychology and the intricate interplay of factors that contribute to extreme acts of violence.
While his crimes remain unforgivable, his display of remorse and unique motivations challenges us to grapple with the complexities of his troubled soul.
“I’d always see him drinking a beer and standing near the trash container in the backyard. And there’d be all these cats around him. I don’t mean a couple, I mean a lot of cats, following him all over the place. And the guy didn’t just go into his apartment, like most people open the door and go in. He squeezed in. He’d open the door just the littlest bit and squeeze through. He did that a lot.”
– Douglas Jackson, downstairs neighbor of Jeff Dahmer in the book ‘Step into My Parlor’.
Joyce was 24 years old when baby Jeff was born. According to her, it was not planned to get pregnant so soon after she got married to Lionel. But Lionel has said that his birth control method was foolproof. It happened after two months of marriage anyway and unfortunately it wasn’t an easy pregnancy. Joyce said it was filled with nausea, pain and bed rest. Her doctor prescribed her medication for anxiety that made it a bit more bearable. Joyce said that Lionel demanded sex constantly near the end of her pregnancy and it caused her to go into premature labor. She was rushed into the hospital and after the emergency delivery, she woke up alone. No recognition of the birth of their son or the labor.
Lionel too has said it wasn’t an easy pregnancy. Everything seemed to bother her, every single noise or odor. This so afflicted her nerves that she began to develop uncontrollable muscle spasms, which distressed her even more. She would get some type of seizures. During these, her eyes would bulge like a frightening animal and she would begin to salivate, literally frothing at the mouth. Joyce has denied she had these seizures. But according to Lionel she got injections of barbiturates and morphine to help her relax. The doctor could not find any medical reason for these attacks. He said they were rooted in Joyce’s mental state.
Joyce grew up with an alcoholic father. According to the Shrine, Joyce often had said she felt helpless and lonely as a child but did not know why. She knew the emotion of abandonment very early. In the Silent Victims, Joyce also writes she has been abused by him.
On May 21, 1960 Jeff was finally born. When Lionel first saw his son, he was sleeping quietly. When he was allowed to go home, Joyce held him gently in her arms. The first few days there was a happiness that settled over Lionel and Joyce. Joyce kept a scrapbook about Jeff where all his first achievements were lovingly recorded. But the feeling of happiness only lasted for a short time. Joyce stopped pretty fast with breast feeding. It made her nervous and she dreaded it terribly. Brian Masters wrote that this abrupt change may have felt like a rejection or distance to the baby.
According to the book Serial Killers: the method and madness of monsters, the most common factor attributed to serial killer is the likely absence of infant bonding. “An infant that is denied human touch and affection develops a sense of only itself – it becomes completely oblivious to others. This is necessary for the infant to survive but can become a destructive trait in adulthood.”
Jeff himself has said he later in his life learned that Joyce had mental problems and that there were times she was gone a lot. But that she was never mean or unkind to him and she actually could be very comforting. He overheard his aunt saying that after he was born, Joyce had suffered a severe case of post partum depression and had to be hospitalized. He said he didn’t know at the time what it was but that he still felt responsible for it, like he had done something to cause her illness. Joyce writes in The Silent Victims she mourned the loss of her dreams, of her life, of her pride. She felt like she and Lionel became a recreation of her own family.
Around 1970 Joyce’s fragile health collapsed. She had been steadily increasing her consumption of drugs. Eventually she was taken to a hospital, where she spent a month in a mental ward. The Shrine says Jeff’s response to this was classic. He blamed himself for his mother’s illness. He had known for as long as he could remember that she had been depressed following his birth, and that he had therefore caused her illness. He also must have caused every relapse. He could not articulate his pain, for fear of tipping his mother over the edge again. He had to keep himself to himself, say little and do less, to protect her, to keep a little calm in the house. The more she saw of him the worse it would be for her. Jeff quite simply felt he did not belong and that if he were to belong he would only do harm. The fact that Jeff had not been troublesome or demanding as an infant ought not to earn suprise. The child who does not ask for attention, wheter or not because he has learnt not to expect it, betrays as inner deadness which can be mistaken for goodness and sweetness of character.
Joyce writes that as Jeff grew older he began to turn inward, became more and more withdrawn and introspective which mystified and disturbed her greatly. She also says that Jeff did came home drunk when he was a teenager and he did seem to spend an inordinate amount of time alone. When she decided to leave to Wisconsin, Joyce says she asked Jeff to come with her and David but that he decided to stay so he could attend the University. He said he could handle it and she should go ahead. Afterwards they spend some holidays together. They were not the warm, loving encounters she had hoped for but she made the best of it, having him for the holidays made a difference to her. Joyce said she felt compelled to stay in touch with Jeff. But he refused to answer.
When Jeff was assigned to group therapy by the terms of his probation, it was noted that Jeff seemed to be very uncomfortable in talking about his mother. In the reports of his probation officer Donna Chester, it was reported that on March 25, 91 Joyce had called him and they talked to each other for the first time in 5 years. She knows he was gay and had no problem accepting it. In the report it said, he was happy.
Joyce was reflective in The Silent Victims. She asked herself how she could be so careless that Jeff felt so insignificant in their lives. She felt like she should have done something earlier, should have known something was up and should have tried harder. Since Joyce had a dad who was an alcoholic, she admits she saw the signs with Jeff and asks herself why she never did anything to help him.
She writes, “I now realize how damaging the constant arguments, anger and physical confrontations were on the boys, especially Jeff. Although I was rarely angry with Jeff, he was constantly subjected to a barrage of fury and anger directed toward Lionel and he toward me. It must have been extremely frightening and paralyzing to him, it surely drove him off to spend more time alone, drove him further into himself.” “I am aware now that my own difficult childhood prefaced my children’s. I, after all, had learned my parenting skills from my parents. I never actually took the necessary steps to unlearn what came naturally to me. And my boys suffered because of it.” “Little did I or anyone else know that the ‘baggage’ Lionel and I were carrying would be so devastating to one quiet, lonely, withdrawn, little boy.”
After Jeff got arrested, it seemed the bond between him and his mom finally got better. They were talking and writing each other. Joyce visited him in jail often as she could and Jeff told her his whole story. He, almost desperately, wanted to make sure she knew he didn’t want the victims to suffer. That he wasn’t mean. To me, this is Jeff in some way wanting to have his mom’s approval, to not disappoint her even more. After this heavy conversation, it seemed mother and son established a comfortable routine. They finally seemed to have the relationship they always wanted but couldn’t find. Despite the circumstances. But unfortunately it wouldn’t last long.. A prison warden called Joyce to tell her the devastating news that Jeff had been killed.
Mypersonal opinion: I know some dislike Joyce a lot and I respect that, I can understand it. I have disliked Joyce a lot for a long time too but after going deeper into their relationship and realizing, most of the stuff we know about Joyce, comes from Lionel.. it has changed my views. Yes she obviously has made some huge mistakes. But I do believe towards the end of her life she was more self aware of it and even admitted it. I think she cared deeply about Jeff but had too much issues of her own to properly show it. Moms with PPD often dont get taken seriously, especially back in these days. I think this had a big influence on Joyce bonding experiences with Jeff and ultimately Jeff’s feelings of neglect and loneliness. It’s so important for babies to bond with their moms. She also supposedly had BPD. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for Jeff growing up with a mom that was dealing with some severe mental health problems. But Lionel deserves to be held responsible for Jeff’s neglect in his childhood as much as Joyce. Lionel should have been more present and protecting Jeff. They both should have paid more attention to him but were too busy with each other. They both failed the little boy that was already lost but still had a chance to be saved.
jeff is such a case of wrong place, wrong time. an outlier, tossed into a timeline that was just wrong for him and those around him, but just right for those who wish to study him. a sacrificial lamb of a soul, showing the world the worst-case scenario of what could go wrong when someone’s neurodivergences are left ignored and suppressed.
metaphysically, it’s not even his fault that he existed as he was. he was stuck that way, and there was no undoing it, no deviating from that life path he had to take on. it really does seem fated in a sense. if all the world’s a stage, then someone had to play the role of the tortured criminal, and it just had to be him.
i wonder.. if reincarnation is real [which i believe it is — matter can neither be created nor destroyed, and i’m sure consciousness exists eternally in the same way]. did he know that he had to incarnate in that way? taking one for the team, so to speak? or was he ultimately just some selfish horny fuck and there’s nothing deeper to it than that?
i mean, when i see his eyes in photos, i SEE an ultimately good soul there. a good soul that’s been ravaged and broken by its own incarnation. but of course, we don’t really have the tools to measure such a thing scientifically. so it’s all just up in the air for now. doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, though. it’s that sort of thing that keeps me wondering.
i do wonder how much self-awareness really does for a person in the end, though. jeff was as self-aware as he could be — on his own, with no outside help that matched his level cognitively — but he still killed 17 people. it’s just waking up to find you’re in hell. the existential horror of being jeffrey dahmer.
he experienced the bystander effect within himself. just a passive “i know i have to stop..” but an inability to INITIATE that action. it’s almost like executive dysfunction, but drawn out over a long period of time. and just like how all humans are biologically programmed to take the easier route, as it conserves energy, jeff acted on his impulses time after time. a sort of paralysis while still in motion. in many ways, he was paralyzed mentally.
same kind of thing with any addiction that grabs hold of you and doesn’t let go. people seem to think that if you can act at all, then you have a choice to stop whatever you’re doing. well, brain chemicals don’t work that way. he was able to stop for 9 years, yes, but that took all of his strength. eventually the muscles grew tired and he collapsed under the weight of his obsessions. and after that, he just gave in. he was tired of fighting it. he resigned himself to his fate.
just the same as with any addict relapsing. anything can trigger it. even something as small as a dirty note given to you in a library.
and back to the incarnating thing.. i wonder if maybe his “soul” or whatever knew someone had to live that life. someone had to be the bad guy, the poster child for the result of our stubborn refusal to understand mental health, our unrelenting desire to equate accountability with rage and punishment instead of understanding and compassion.
just like how someone had to betray jesus in order to get the ball rolling for his death and resurrection, i guess. someone had to play that role, and judas was the one who drew the short straw. maybe jeff had to be a sort of judas figure for the mental health field, causing the chaos that will set the much-needed transformation in motion. a devastating yet necessary catalyst.
¡ guess i just don’t want to blame him for being human. there was a lot going on in his mind, in his body, and he had no actual help for it that resonated with him. nothing that stuck. no one who truly GOT him.
i just wonder how strong any of us would’ve been against a biochemical cocktail like what he was stewing in for his whole life. especially when communicating it and being understood was impossible.
yes, people did try to help him, but it was in all the wrong ways.
the man was truly fighting himself all on his own.
Jeffrey Dahmer Memorial 